The Road to Recovery
by NanouDane76
Summary: Post "Flight". Mark is a mess. He just wants to leave, run away from Seattle, from all the memories... This is all about where he goes, who he turns to and how he will slowly start living again.. maybe loving again.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It's been more than 10 weeks since the plane crash and everyone is coping differently with the consequences of the crash. Little by little they try to continue on with their lives but it's not always easy. Lexie has been buried during a very beautiful funeral. Arizona and Derek are slowly recuperating from their injuries. Cristina, has drowned herself in work to try to pretend everything is as it's always been. Meredith has come to terms with the fact that she has lost her sister. But Mark is a huge mess, he has sunk into the biggest depression possible, practically not eating, not talking, sleeping, and moping around. He is fed up with everyone asking him all the time if he is OK, if he needs anything or saying that he should talk to the counselor that has been assigned to helping them deal with the aftermath of this tragedy. He just wants to leave, run away from Seattle, from all the memories….

It's lunch time and all of them are sitting together to eat except from Derek.

"I think we should call the police, he's been missing for 3 days now", says Callie worried and concerned.

"Maybe he just needs some space. We don't all cope the same when we are faced with grief", says Meredith before taking a carrot from her plate.

"Still, I think he would have called by now. I mean what if he's done something stupid or irrational", protests Callie looking at Arizona.

Walking in slowly is Derek, apparently on the phone. "OK. Thanks for keeping me posted. You sure it's no problem for you?" There is a small pause as he listens to what the person on the other side of the line says. "Fine then. Give me an update from time to time. Bye".

Arizona feeling her wife really concerned feels that she should chip in even if she is sure Mark is alright. "Does anybody have any idea as to where he could be"?

Derek who has joined them and has ended his phone conversation chips in. "Yep, I know where he is".

A sign of relief is seen on everybody's face.

Kerev looks at Derek. "Ok, don't mean to be bad but maybe he is in Vegas and just woke up married to a stranger? Maybe in jail for a bar fight"?

Callie punches Alex in the arm. "Ouch"!

"Alex, would you stop, that's not funny".

"Look Callie, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to lighten up the atmosphere here and I think you could all need it. Besides if Derek knows it can't be that bad. Right Derek"?

Callie turns to Derek. "So is he alright? Where is he"?

Derek didn't really know what to do or what to say. But he knew that if he didn't give them some information, they would all go crazy. He too had been concerned over Mark for the past weeks and even more since he had disappeared into thin air.. He laughed internally.. Air, yeah that seemed to be the appropriate term.

"Mark is fine. He is in Paris"!

He almost had to hold back from laughing as he scanned the table and saw all of their looks of disbelief. Before they could even question him, he reiterated his answer.

"Before you say anything, I confirm that Mark is in Paris and he is fine".

Meredith looked deep in her husband's eyes and saw he was telling the truth. Then she saw a twinkle in his eye as he looked back at her, and she knew he had more to tell.

"Ok well that's good" she said. "At least we know where he is and he's fine".

Arizona still wanting to support her wife chipped in. "Was it Mark on the phone? Did he say anything? What is he doing in Paris"?

Derek drank a sip from his bottle of water.

"It wasn't Mark on the phone…"

Before he could continue, Derek was cut off by Callie.

"OK Derek, this is not funny. If you are making this up to put our minds at ease, it's not working".

"If you'll just let me finish…" said Derek in a calm voice.

Arizona put her hand on Callie's, trying to make her understand to be patient.

"Mark is fine. He got to Paris last night. I know because Claire just called me to tell me so".

Meredith looked at Derek. She had forgotten about Claire, but everything was starting to make sense.

"Who is Claire?" asked Alex while munching on his food.

"Claire is my sister", answers Derek. "She's been living and practicing in one of Paris' best hospitals for the past 9 years".

Jackson seemed interested. "You have a sister living in Paris? That's neat. What's her specialty"?

Derek smiled and beamed like any proud older brother. Before he could answer, Alex was confused. "Ok, Nancy, Amelia.. How many sisters do you have"?

"I have 4 sisters: Nancy, Kathleen, Claire and Amelia. Claire is an OB/GYN and is head of the department in the hospital she works for in Paris".

Callie looked at Derek disappointed. "Fine so he is in Paris with your sister, but why? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your sister is great, just like you but what more is she than us, that he had to fly half-way round the world to see her"?

Derek felt a big lump in his throat. It's not that he had forgotten over the years, but it had been 10 years and life had kept going, like it had after any catastrophe that had hit him and his loved ones over the years. He strongly believed that it was also because Mark remembered what had happened that he felt, Claire could understand him and help him go through this ordeal.

"As sad as it may sound, Claire and Mark now have something in common. They have both lost someone that they loved". He took a pause as the words he spoke felt like knives to his chest. He wasn't sure he could keep going. Meredith, seeing Derek's distress, took over.

"10 years ago, Claire's husband Tommy died. He was killed on the spot when a drunken truck driver crashed into his car when he didn't stop at a red light".

Derek was oh so grateful that Meredith had explained it. It may have been 10 years but the wound that Tommy's death had left in him had still not healed completely.

"Tommy, Mark and I were best friends. We all grew up together. First as kids, then teenagers and then when Claire got old enough to hang out with us we were always together. Everyone thought that she and Mark would end up together. We were all wrong, when she was 21 she and Tommy started going out and they got married two years later. Mark and I were Tommy's best men. Their life was just starting, they were happy and then just weeks after their 2 year wedding anniversary and Claire's 25th birthday, Tommy died, leaving an amazing hole in all our lives. Claire was a shadow of herself for a long time and Mark was there for her and helped her slowly through it. When she was strong enough, she decided that she needed to get away from New York and everything that reminded her of her life with Tommy. She left for Paris. So you see, if someone can help Mark get through this or at least help him get back on track, Claire can do it. I have a lot of faith in her and I think Mark does too."

The entire table was silent. No one really knew what to say. Arizona was the first to say anything.

"I think Derek is right. Let's give Claire a chance to help Mark. To be honest, I think we are all still too much of a mess to help him and to be objective and maybe we've pushed him to his breaking point. Did she say how long he was planning on staying"?

Callie just nodded at what Arizona was saying. She was relieved but still concerned for her best friend and the father of her daughter.

Derek shook his head. "No. Apparently Mark had only taken a one way ticket. She said he would come back when he was ready". Seeing that this was probably not enough he continued. "She said she would call me with updates regularly. He's in good hands Callie, don't worry too much ok"?

With that he looked at his watch. "Sorry but I have to go, I've got a surgery in 20 minutes. I'll see you later."

He stood and left. After that no one really spoke but slowly finished their meals and one by one left the cafeteria to tend to their patients.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

*PARIS – 1 day before*

Claire was doing her rounds to see all her patients that were either about to deliver, had delivered or were in the pregnancy at risk wing of the 3rd floor of the hospital. She stopped at the nurse's station and started updating one of the patient files when a nurse came to her.

"Claire, Mrs. Fontaine would like to know if she can walk around a bit"?

Claire looked up from the file to see Sophie, the head nurse. Claire screened her mind… "Yes, but no more than 30 minutes three times a day. I understand that staying in bed can be a pain but you just got to remind her that it's for their own good. The last thing I need is for her to go into pre-term labor".

Claire was interrupted by her beeper that was at her waist, going off. She took it in her hand and looked down at it. All she could see was the extension of the information desk on the ground floor.

She made her way behind the counter and reached for the phone. "Sophie, do me a favor, can you please do a monitoring on Mrs. Lange, I want to see what kind of activity we have if any".

Sophie smiled, nodded and headed down the hall towards one of the rooms.

Claire picked up the phone and dialed the extension of the front desk. "You beeped me Jacques"?

"Hey Claire.. Yes I did. You have someone asking for you down here".

"A patient? Jacques you know that if it's a patient of mine they should come up immediately".

Jacques laughed. "I don't think HE is a patient of yours. He said he was family then a friend.. Guy seems a bit of mess and confused. Heck if you'd ask me it looks like he hasn't showered in days… you want me to call security"?

Claire had no idea who Jacques was talking about. "Did he mention a name"?

"No.. He said it was personal".

Claire sighed… Family, friend? "Look Jacques, I'll be down in minute, just be ready in case you need to interfere ok"?

Jacques found that quite amusing.. "I'm a clerk Claire not your personal bodyguard".

"Could have fooled me Jacques! You looked pretty scary during the last body combat class at the gym last week! Look, tell this mystery person I'll be down in a minute".

Jacques looked at the man from the corner of his eye. "You got it".

Jacques hung up the phone and looked at the man. "Sir, Dr. Shepherd will be down in just a minute if you'd like to take a seat".

The man thanked Jacques, looked around and chose one of the sofa seats available in the lobby.

Claire returned to her opened file. She put her stamp at the bottom of one of the pages and closed it. She passed it over to Pierre her colleague that was taking over the night shift. Claire worked on shifts in the hospital. The French usually worked on the following schedule, 6AM-2PM; 2PM-10PM & 10PM – 6AM. Of course if one of Claire's patients went into labor outside of the shift she was working on that particular day, she was called back to deliver her patient.

It was 9:58PM when Claire entered the elevator. She wondered whether or not she should go to change in the locker room before going to the front desk but figured she would do it afterwards. The elevator stopped on the 2nd floor and let Dr. Louis David in. Seeing Claire inside, he gave her a quick smile.

"Bonjour Dr. Shepherd".

Claire nodded. "Bonsoir Dr. David".

Dr. David was head of pediatrics and they very frequently ended up working together. He was a much older man in his mid-sixties, his hair thinning and whitening over the years that Claire had gotten to know him. Claire had a lot of respect for him and even if they were on a first name basis outside of the hospital, they kept it to a strict professional level when they were at work. Louis was the very first person who helped Claire as she was settling in Paris. He helped her find her penthouse apartment and move her stuff in. He and his wife had her over many times for dinner when she hadn't known a single soul. They also had helped her practice and improve her French and understand the differences in the road code so that within a few months, Claire knew all the ropes to driving and speaking like the French!

"Everything fine Dr. Shepherd"?

"Yes Dr. David, thank you for asking. I may need your opinion on a case. Perhaps you and I can discuss prior to the patient's appointment scheduled for next week"?

Louis looked at her. "Yes, of course. I suggest you have a look at my agenda with Patty".

Patty was Louis' assistant. She was a small, chubby woman but with such an amazing sense of humor and a big heart. Sometimes Patty would get a bit too emotional when it came to some of Claire or Louis' patients but you could tell she loved kids. She herself had 5 kids and 10 grandchildren and always had the most beautiful stories about each and every one of them. Sometimes, Claire wondered if she would have the opportunity to tell stories like that herself.

Claire nodded just as the elevator stopped on the first floor.

"Goodnight Dr. Shepherd. Stop by the house at some point in time. I know Francoise is longing to see you".

"Goodnight Dr. David. I'll try to stop by when I have some free time. My regards to Francoise".

Louis stepped out of the elevator and the doors closed behind him. The elevator started its descent again. Within seconds it reached the lobby and the doors opened to reveal a herd of people waiting to take her place. They all patiently waited for her to exit before entering in turn.

As she walked towards the front desk, she received a text message from Sophie to say that Mrs. Lange's monitoring was clear. Still walking towards the desk, she responded to Sophie and pressed the sent button as she got to Jacques' desk. With that, she had passed in front of the waiting lounge and hadn't even taken the time to see if anyone was there.

The mystery person himself had only seen a woman walking her back to him. She had between short and shoulder length brown hair and a white doctor's blouse. It could have been any doctor from this 10 floor hospital.

Jacques eyes lit up as he saw Claire standing in front of him. "Ah.. tu es très belle Claire".

Claire blushed. She was not really used to compliments especially when being told she was very beautiful. "Oh stop that. What would Ramona say if she heard you"?

"I think she would agree with me. She tells me she finds you beautiful too. She said I couldn't touch but I can still look".

They both started laughing. Claire stopped first. "Ok so where is this person who is looking for me"?

Jacques turned his head towards the sofa seat and pointed at the man at the same time. "Right that way Dr."

Claire turned around and stared at the man for a few seconds. At first she wasn't sure if she was seeing right. Then when she was sure, she didn't know how to react.

When she had turned around, the man had gotten up from his sofa seat and had given her a weak smile before slowly walking in her direction.

Claire also started walking, and then almost ran to the man. In seconds they were in each other's arms in a long embrace.

"Hi Claire".

Still in disbelief or in fear that he might disappear she held on even harder. "Mark…."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After what seemed like an eternity, but still holding on to each other, they looked at each other. Claire looked at Mark, his eyes, his mouth, his entire face. She could see all the pain of the world on his face. She felt she was back 10 years looking at herself in a mirror.

She freed one of her hands and placed it on Mark's cheek. "Oh Mark. I'm so sorry".

"I didn't know where else to go" he answered her with a shaky voice.

She started feeling a few stares on them. First Jacques, then a few other nurses and doctors she knew. This was no place to continue the conversation. She let go of Mark and took him by the hand and pulled him so that he could follow her.

"Follow me.. I'm going to go get my things in my locker and then we'll go back to my place".

Still holding on to his hand, she led him down the hallway and through different doors before getting to the locker room.

When they reached the locker room, she very gently let go of his hand, went to her locker and opened it.

As she removed her doctors' coat he looked around the room and realized their locker room wasn't much different than the one they had. He turned his attention back to Claire and realized she had a few pictures pasted on the inside of the door. One was of her and Tommy, one of Zola and one of her, Tommy, Derek and him when they were younger. They were all smiling. They had been happy back then. Life had been much simpler. He was nostalgic of that moment of their lives.

Claire grabbed her purse and closed her locker. They stood there for a minute looking at each other. The silence became unbearable and Claire broke the stare and took her keys from out of her purse.

"Come one, let's go". Mark seemed lost in his thoughts so she again very gently took his hand in hers and led him out of the room. Within a minute they were in the parking lot. The parking lot was filled with luxury cars, Porsches, Mercedes Benz, BMW and Audis. He wondered what kind of car drove Claire. She had never been one to enjoy luxurious things, she was quite simple in that regards.

They stopped in front of a small red Fiat 500 and Mark smiled internally to himself. Yep, that was all Claire: small, upbeat and fun. She placed her things in her car and only then realized that Mark had a duffel bag that he was carrying in his other hand. She took it and placed it next to hers in the trunk. She headed for the driver's seat and Mark made way for the passenger seat.

They took off and were very quickly on the road. As they were driving to Claire's, Mark got scared a few times. If people thought that the Americans drove like lunatics, they obviously had never driven in Paris. But Claire was calm and seemed in her element.

They stopped in front of a nice modern apartment building. It was half past ten but there was still a lot of activity in the streets. They took their bags out of the trunk and entered the building. The lobby was very chic. Fancy tiles paved the floor and marble was everywhere. There was a concierge and Claire greeted him as they passed his desk. There were three elevators, one of which had a lock on it and apparently needed a special key to open it. To his amazement Claire pulled out a strange shaped key and placed it in the key hole. The elevator opened and they entered it. When the doors closed Claire hit the P button, the only button on the wall and the elevator soared upwards.

Mark expected the elevator doors to open on a hallway but instead it opened up in a living room that was very nicely decorated. He stayed in front of the elevator whose doors had closed and looked around. The rooms were big, the furniture simple but very beautiful had a comfortable feel to it. The kitchen was very much like his own. Not extravagant but just enough to use on the rare occasions and for some hosted parties.

Claire looked at him. Even if he wasn't really smiling, she liked the look on his face, that of a kid discovering the Christmas tree packed with presents on Christmas morning.

"So what do you think", she asked as she headed for the kitchen.

He followed her. "This is your place"?

She smiled as she headed for the fridge. "Neat huh? A doctor friend at the hospital helped me find this place. I even managed to pay half the rent then it was by simply exchanging my medical services to any of the other tenants. It was a win-win situation".

She grabbed two bottles of Budweiser and handed one to Mark. "Doctor friend huh"?

She went to the living room, took off her shoes and sat in the sofa. Mark followed her. "Yes. A friend Mark".

He shrugged at her answer. "Budweiser"?

"Yeah, I found a store here that sells a few American things. They are way more expensive than in the US but I still buy them".

Mark took a sip of his beer then looked at her. "You look real good Claire. It's been a long time".

"Thanks Mark. I wish I could return the compliment but you look like shit". She knew she was being harsh but from her past experience with Mark, that was usually what triggered a reaction.

He looked at her as if she had just slapped him, but he knew she was right. He was a mess, maybe even beyond a mess. Slowly his eyes started to burn and tears started to roll down his eyes.

Claire sat up, leaned to grab his beer and placed both their beers on the side table. She inched her way over to him and put her arm around him. There and then, feeling the compassion, he let go of everything. He literally buried himself in her and cried. "I…she's gone..".

She kissed the back of his head. "Sshhh. It's okay Mark. You don't have to talk. I get it. I'm here".

Mark continued sobbing in her arms, her blouse was getting damp but he didn't notice and she didn't care. She felt his heart pounding against her, his rapid breathing… It was going to be a long way back, but she would be there for him as he had been for her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Claire slowly shifted into consciousness feeling a weight on her chest. She opened her eyes and looked down on where the weight was. Mark's head was resting on her chest. They must have fallen asleep but she didn't remember. She first looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was 9AM, then she looked at him and smiled. He looked so peaceful. It had been ten years but he hadn't changed much. She gently stroked his hair and he slowly started waking up. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Claire looking down at him. He lifted his head. "I'm sorry".

Claire sat up. "It's Ok Mark. Are you alright"?

"Yes. Best night sleep I've had in a long time". He didn't' know if it was because it had been Claire in his arms, but she had such an amazing way to appease him. "I'm sorry it must not have been very comfortable for you. Did you manage to sleep"?

She smiled. "Yes. You know I've slept in worse conditions. The most important thing is that you slept well. You'll probably want to shower before we have breakfast I'm sure. I'll get you a towel. The bathroom is right through there", she said showing him one of the 3 closed doors. They stood in unison and whereas she headed for one of the other closed doors, he headed for the bathroom.

He entered the bathroom and looked at his miserable self in the mirror. Even if he looked less tired, he still didn't look great. He took of his shirt and headed for the shower to open the water. A knock came from the other side of the door. He went to open it. Claire was standing on the other side with a towel in her hands.

Claire wasn't expecting Mark to be half naked when she knocked and was almost embarrassed. He looked amazing and she immediately hated herself for thinking that. She had never 'lived' with another man since Tommy and well it felt odd, especially it being Mark.

He felt her uncomfortable stare on him. "Here you go. I'll go prepare us some breakfast. You want an omelet"?

"Yes, that would be delicious thanks". He took the towel she was presenting him and she closed the door. Mark continued stripping and entered the shower. The hot water felt good on his body and he stayed there for some time, almost as if the water was able to wash away all the weight on his shoulders.

When he came out of the shower and started drying off, he could smell the aromas of good home-cooking. He realized he had forgotten to prepare a change of clothes, so he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom.

Claire was behind the kitchen counter busy with the stovetop and singing along to a French song that was playing on the radio. He stood there for a while silently watching her. He thought back to when they were younger and this had been exactly what he had loved about her; her simplicity, her happy mood and cheery disposition, her constant smile. Seeing her like this 10 years later comforted him in the fact that he too could go back to his old self.

She turned around with a plate in her hand with a beautiful golden ham and cheese omelet. Mark was standing there half-naked again looking at her. This time though she was less embarrassed. After all this was Mark, she had known him practically her entire life. She placed the plate down at the counter in front of one of the bar chairs. "Ah, you're done. Good, cause I'm starving"!

"Yeah. Me too but I forgot to take a change of clothes". He walked over to his duffel bag that he had left near the elevator.

"You know", said Claire as she walked into the living room, "I can make some space for you in my wardrobe to put your stuff away".

"Are you sure"?

Claire nodded and headed for the door next to the bathroom. He followed her and by the time he got to the door, she had already opened her wardrobe. He stood there, in the doorframe for a few seconds, almost scared to go in. He watched as she gathered some of her clothes together to make room on one of the shelves and also pushed back a few of her hangers so that he could hang things.

She turned to him with a big smile. "See? There's nothing to it. Take the space you need. You are my guest and I want you to feel comfortable while you are here".

He entered the room. A part from a queen sized bed, a nightstand, the wardrobe and another piece of furniture, there was nothing exceptional to the room.

"I don't know what to say".

She walked past him. "There's nothing to say. Just hurry the omelet is getting cold".

She closed the door behind her and returned to the kitchen. Even if there had been nothing for her to make extra space in her closet, it was weird. The last time she had shared closet space with a man it had been Tommy. She put the thought past her and returned the kitchen. She poured two glasses of orange juice, quickly prepared herself an omelet and sat at the counter waiting for Mark to join her.

He came out of her bedroom with a pair of jeans and a polo shirt.

"Smells good. Can't wait to try your omelet".

He sat next to her, leaned over the plate and smelled it's nice aroma.

"It's nothing fancy you know. I'm sure you could have done the same".

"You're absolutely right. As a matter of fact, I'll be cooking breakfast tomorrow morning if that's alright with you"?

"Really? Well what were you planning on making"?

"How about some French Toast.. We are in France after all".

She laughed, at least he was getting somewhat of his humor back. Laughing was definitely a great therapy.

They started to eat breakfast and listening to the music in the background.

When they were finished, Claire cleared away their things into the dishwasher while Mark looked out the window.

Still his back turned to her and looking out the window he brought up Lexie for the first time.

"Lexie would have loved it here. She still had so many things to see and do. We could have come here and had a great time. It's hard to know we'll never have that chance anymore". He sighed and took a deep breath.

Claire had settled in the sofa, looking at Mark, with a pillow on her lap. Those words.. oh how she had said those words so many times.

"I know Mark. It may look like your entire world is crumbling around you, and it is to some extent, but you will get through this. It won't be easy. You'll wish so many things and you'll regret so many things. You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll get mad and angry. But you know that's alright, it means you're alive. We are not robots, we feel things. I've known you for so many years, I know how you have a tendency to shut out your feelings, but by doing exactly what it is you are doing, you are already one step closer to healing".

He turned to her. The words she spoke were so true. She definitely knew him but more than that, she knew exactly what he was going through and he was glad that he had come all the way to Paris so he could be understood and supported by her. He knew that he could speak of Lexie to her without having someone telling him not to, or bring back up all that had happened during the crash.

"What if I'm not strong enough"?

"Mark, you are the strongest man I know. You may not feel like you are strong enough now but when the time comes, you will see that you are. I mean come on Mark, you were my rock. When I was broken, you were strong for the both of us and I know that wasn't easy. Give yourself time. It's only been a couple of months. Wounds like these take time to heal".

He walked over to her and sat next to her in the couch. "How much time does it take Claire"?

She bit her lip. "I don't know. It's different for everybody. Some people bounce back quicker than others. I can't tell you how long it's going to be for you".

"Ok. Then how long did it take you"?

Claire sighed. Mark felt bad for a moment. This was literally torture he was putting her through, making her relive what she had been through in order to help him. He didn't like it one bit but he needed her help.

"Mark, it's different for you. You have Callie, Arizona and Sophia. You have Derek and Meredith and all the rest of your friends who are there to help you get through this".

"So did you. I mean I was there and the rest of the family was there so why would it be different"?

Claire started playing with her fingers. "You were there Mark. But that was it. Mom and Derek were practically ghosts. Nancy and Kathleen were too busy with their own lives, Amelia was just a teenager. And then I left and came to Paris where I found myself more alone than I'd ever been and it took me I'm sure more time than if I hadn't".

"So why did you leave"? Mark was getting angry. She had promised him before she left that she was fine and ready and now all of a sudden, she was telling him the complete opposite. She had lied to him.

"I left for so many reasons Mark".

"I'm not going anywhere.. so tell me your reasons".

Claire closed her eyes and sighed again. "Mark we don't need to talk about me. We are trying to help you".

"Oh don't you dare do that. You promised me when you left New York that you were OK and now I realize that you lied to me and I demand to know why".

"Fine. First I needed to get away from New York because everything reminded me of Tommy. Second of all, you were putting your life on hold to help me Mark. You spent just under a year of your life helping me. You took me out to dinner, to the movies, long walks. To be fair how many dates did you cancel because I called you a complete mess because I thought I had seen Tommy at the dry cleaners or the supermarket? It was not your battle to win. You had given me 11 months of your life and all the tools I needed to get through it and I felt it had been enough".

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. In the end, she had sacrificed herself for him. He saw a tear go down her face, which she mechanically wiped away and bit her lip. Mark knew that she hadn't said everything. Usually when Claire bit her lip, it was because she was trying to hold something back.

"What are you not telling me"?

Claire looked up. "What do you mean"?

He pointed at her lips. "You were biting your lip. There's something else. Another reason you left. What is it"?

She shook her head no. "No. Mark… Let's not go there ok".

"Claire, what is it".

"Look you apparently don't remember so there's no point in bringing it up. Really, it's oK".

He started yelling at her. "What the hell are you talking about? It's no OK. I demand to know. If you're not telling me it's because it has something to do with me, so I want to know".

Claire stood. "Mark, now is not the time to discuss this". She turned and started to walk away but he stood and grabbed her arm preventing her from going any further. He grabbed her so fiercely that she had no choice but to pivot and face him.

"Tell me"! He yelled at her.

She shook her head no.

"I want to know Claire, why did you leave New York"?

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, they ran down her face. She didn't know if she was sad or angry at him.

"I left New York because you told me you loved me"!

She yanked away his hand on her arm, turned heels, walked to her bedroom and slammed the door.

Mark stood there remembering the past. It had been his fault. He had driven her away. Everything was his fault. He had pushed her to leave New York, he hadn't been able to same Lexie… it was all his fault. He grabbed his coat, walked to the table and grabbed Claire's keys, headed for the elevator and left!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Claire had heard him leave but she didn't care. He had asked her why she had really left New York. It was his fault. Everything had been his fault. The fact that she had left, the fact that they had just gotten upset with each other. Heck, she wouldn't be surprised if he was taking a taxi back to the airport to go home.

She stared at the ceiling as she lay down on her bed. She wanted so badly to hate him, but she couldn't. She always respected people who spoke their minds and she couldn't hate him for telling her back then that he loved her. It took a lot of guts to say those kinds of things. 'I love you' was never something that was said without being meant and mostly if your name was Mark Sloan. Mark had been deprived from love growing up as a child and even if the Shepherds had given him as much love as they could, Mark had grown up knowing the meaning love had, the impact it had on someone.

Sure it would have been easy at the time to say 'I love you too' to Mark, but it would have only been a catastrophe. She was still on the mends and vulnerable. She was sure that she would never have been able to give him all that he deserved. The only thing it could have brought on was pain and a broken relationship. She was still convinced it had been the best decision. Yet she had been selfish, after she had left for Paris, she had never even wondered what toll it had taken on him and for that she was sorry.

She turned into a fetal position and closed her eyes. She wanted just for a minute to just forget everything.

Mark walked out into the street and looked back at the lobby. He turned and headed back for the front door then stopped. He didn't know what to do.. He turned heels again and started walking in the street without a clue as to where he was going. All he could hear over and over again were her words 'because you told me you loved me'. He turned left and right, into various streets and then amazingly found himself in front of the Eiffel Tower. He had never seen it in person before and it was amazing. He figured that as long as he was there, he may at least check it out.

He headed for the ticket stand and bought a ticket. He took the elevator and stopped at the highest level possible. The view was breathtaking. The sun was shining, the sky cloudless and everything around was beautiful and picturesque. He sat in a chair and just took in the sun and the light breeze as he watched, men, women and families stroll around and taking pictures.

As he stared out into the sun, he remembered all the places he had taken Claire to cheer her up. They had gone to Central Park on many occasions, either it being summer, winter or fall. They had been to a few Broadway musicals, it hadn't been his cup of tea but still he knew that Claire liked musicals. The Hard Rock Café, the Seaport, the movies but none of them had been anything in comparison to when they had gone up the Empire State Building.

They had wandered there by accident and it was only upon passing in front that Mark convinced Claire to go up. It had been late and they caught the last elevator going up. It was August and when they had reached the top and gone outside it was beautiful. They were between the stars and the bright city lights. They had gone around all the sides and had looked out. Claire had been silent, taking in the beauty of it all, staring at the stars. He was always amazed at how Claire could be amazed at the littlest and simplest things. He stood next to her and watched as the soft summer breeze made her long brown hair move and how she smiled as she looked on. He knew that it had been then, that he had realized that he still loved her, he had always loved her.

Her hand was resting on the railing and he placed his on hers. Caught up in the moment, in the beauty of it all, he let his heart speak out.

"I love you Claire".

She had turned to look at him. She seemed to be looking deep into his blue eyes, almost as if she wanted to know the weight of his words. What is a joke? Was it a friendly 'I love you' or more? She had then turned her attention back at the skyline and had blinked a couple of times. He couldn't see her well but it was almost as if she had blinked to retain the tears from falling. She spoke nothing. After what seemed like an eternity to Mark, she had removed her hand from under his and turned her body towards the door.

"They're going to be closing soon. We should go".

That had been it. He had escorted her home in silence. After that, Claire always seemed to be busy to hang out but promised him she was doing fine. Two weeks later she was gone. He had been alienated, but he had done what he did best, he worked like a mad dog, started going out with any woman that he could seduce including Addison. It had seemed right at the time but it had been the biggest mistake he had ever made. By doing so he had lost another person he had loved dearly, Derek.

He finally shifted from his thoughts and looked at his watch. It had been two hours since he had left Claire's apartment. He could have stayed there longer but there was no point. He was there because he knew Claire was his best shot of getting better, of excepting not only Lexie's death but also probably all the demons he had inside. She had been kind enough to offer her hospitality, he couldn't mess that up.

He took the elevator back down and tried a couple of times to head back for Claire's apartment building. He wandered the streets another hour before finally making it to the right destination.

The concierge briefly looked up from his desk when Mark entered the building. Either he didn't care or he like Lexie had a photographic memory, but Mark's presence didn't surprise him one bit on brought on any questioning.

When the elevator door opened in Claire's apartment, he felt uneasy. Almost like a child who had been grounded and after sulking was coming back to beg for forgiveness. Except he didn't want forgiveness, he had done nothing wrong by his standards. He walked slowly at first not noticing her.

"Are you ok? I was getting worried".

He turned his head past the living room sofa and saw Claire sitting at her desk. She didn't look upset, just concerned. This made him feel even worse. He could have probably handled anger but not the fact that he had gotten her worried.

He put the keys down on the side table near the elevator and slowly walked over to where she was. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you worried. I just needed to get some fresh air". He paused for a moment. He wanted to end on somewhat of a cheery note. "I went up the Eiffel Tower. It was really beautiful".

A small smile made its way on her lips. "I'm glad. Look, about before, I think it's best if we don't discuss or bring that kind of stuff up. At least for the time being. You came here for support and help and if we continue down this morning's road, not only am I not going to be able to help you but I'm going to be a wreck".

Mark wanted to protest. He so much wanted to discuss it. He so wanted to tell her that he had not just blurted it out. Heck he had been in love with her even before Tommy had worked up the guts to ask her out. He promised himself that one day, in the near future, he would tell her all about it. But maybe for now, she was right.

He nodded. "Deal".

He walked over to her desk and planted a kiss on her head trying to make peace. Then it caught his eye. The rocking chair. It was the one he had bought her when she was in Med School. Claire had this thing about rocking. She said that if she was in a too quiet environment without moving, none of the things she was trying to study seemed to make it to her brain. Mark had found it odd at the time but when he had passed in front of an antique store and had seen it in the window, he knew it was the perfect gift for her.

Even when Tommy had died and Mark had gone over to their house to look after Claire, she had spent most of her time in it, rocking back and forth, almost as if she was a baby being rocked by its mother, to soothe all the pain. He couldn't believe that she had actually moved it with her to Paris.

He sat down in it and faced Claire. "Nice chair".

She smiled. "Thanks, someone very dear to me bought it for me years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if when I die my tombstone reads 'the woman who rocked'…". She then realized that it was really out of place seeing Marks frown. "Sorry, that wasn't funny".

She cleared her throat. "Mark, tell me about Lexie".

Wow, thought Mark.. Where did that come from? How do you go from a rocking chair to Lexie? God this woman never stopped to amaze him.

"What do you want to know"?

"Everything".

"What do you mean everything"?

"Like how you met, what she was like, your first date, first kiss, your fights.. Basically everything about her and about the two of you.. Not going into too much personal detail of course".

Mark sighed. "This can take a while you know. Don't you have to go to work or something"?

She leaned over her desk and looked at him. "Are you trying to get out of this? It sure looks that way. I'm not working today, unless one of my patients goes into labor. I told them I had car trouble".

Mark's eyebrow went up. "Are you playing hooky"?

Claire laughed. "No, but you seem to forget that a certain someone left MY apartment with not only MY car keys but also MY elevator key".

Mark too started to laugh. She had a point. Without knowing it he had unintentionally locked her in her own apartment.

"It's OK, don't worry. I wasn't set out to work until 2PM but as I was not sure how long your little escapade would last, I took my measures. Heck, you could have been on a plane back to Seattle by now if you had wanted to".

Mark was surprised that she had thought of that as it had never even crossed his mind to leave Paris.

"Oh and just so that you know, I've taken the rest of the week off. That leaves us 5 days to roam Paris so that I can show you all its treasures. If you want to of course".

"I'd like that very much. You sure it's not an issue for you to take time off"?

"Mark I've been here for 9 years. I've hardly ever taken any time off, not even for sickness or vacation. I think my team will be more than happy to have me out of their way for a while. But remember I may need to be called back at any moment of the day or night".

He nodded. "Ok, got you".

She leaned back in her office chair. "So.. Lexie…"

He started rocking. "Lexie is…was Meredith's half-sister. They had the same father, Thatcher. Lexie arrived at Seattle Grace after I did, she sure was something. Did you know she was called Lexiepedia? She had a photographic memory beyond belief…".

Claire sat there taking all of what Mark was saying. He sounded like a book someone was reading out loud. A beautiful book, with all different kinds of chapters. A book that still had so much to be written in it. She would convince him that Lexie's death was not the end of the book but only the end of condensed chapters, he would still write more and she was more than certain that when the time came for it to be finished, it would be a happy ending for him.


End file.
